One day facebook tells me that I may know someone, via this little section called “People You May Know.” These are notices about friends who are friends with my friends. Or as the normal world would call it, mutual friends. I glanced at the name and looked away to see what was going on in the cyber neighborhood. Then the name registered. Jon Hamm.
So Jon Hamm has mutual friends of mine?
I looked to see which of my friends happened to know this virile, wanted man. Clicked on the ‘mutual friends’ link. There are two of them. To keep my friend base from harassing these two, I’ll just call one “A” and the other “J.” One who I’ve had the pleasure of knowing from my younger days and one whom I’ve had the pleasure of meeting a year ago. This was one of those moments where you want to email and start blabbering about like a fool, but I couldn’t find it in me to act like an idiot to these friends, because I want them to still like me in the end. You have to be selective about the friends you show your idiot side to. Let the rest of your friends consider you normal. (Right about now many of my friends are reading this and are not equating me with normal. Okay. Fine. True. But you get my point.)
I spent a good 20 minutes looking at the name and contemplating if I should even THINK about considering contacting him. Why? Because I want Mad Man Hammy in our next book.
Our next book is the counterpart to this book. It’s a Man Book of sorts. A book where supermen will be called upon to voice their yays and woes, triumphs and Kryptonites in the land they live in. The big blue marble. A place called EARTH.
And so I toiled. Do I contact A and J? A OR J? Or just hit that “Add Friend” button that was glaring at me?
Add friend? How could I add Jon Hamm as a friend? How arrogant of me! He’s not friends with me. He doesn’t know me.
But maybe he would be if he knew that I had A and J as friends??
The next 20…
And so went the next 20 minutes of my anguish. Anyone who is a “facebooker” must have been through this kind of scenario. Maybe you saw an old flame. Or someone you’d been dying to talk to in school, but never had the guts to back then, but 25 years later, here you are all grown up and mature. Cool as a cucumber, until there’s that person’s name on the screen, and right next to it is that dreaded “Add Friend” button:
That’s the way I saw it, but the arrow (in my head) was like red, and flashing, and glowing, coaxing my index finger to scroll to it and slam down on that button.
The last 20…
20 minutes goes by with my finger on the mouse, feeling trigger happy. I had a facebook Angel and Devil on my shoulders.
“Do it!” said the FB Devil.
“Stop! You don’t even know him!” said the FB Angel
“Do it! You know you want to! And what’s the worst that could happen? Come on, DO IT.”
FB Devil ran across my shoulders, tackled the FB Angel and covered its mouth.
“DO IT! PRESS THE BUTTON!”
I was overwhelmed.
I had to, right?
I mean, FBD was kinda right.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Damn it, Draper. This never happened.
It will shock you how much it never happened.
(Homage Season 2, Episode 5)